Are Porsche's Designers really the "Laziest People on the Planet"?

By: Denis-Andrei Mesinschi

January 21, 2013

This month at the Detroit Autoshow Porsche unveiled its latest 911 variant:  the "new" Porsche Targa.   As is expected with any new Porsche unveiling the hordes of Porschophiles went into instant hysterics and those with the means to do so quickly placed their orders as their "old" 911 which arrived last week was rendered passé.   The charge has been leveled, by many that Porsche is rather unimaginative when it comes to design.  The most, shall we say "eloquent", demonstration of this school of thought comes from BBC Top Gear Presenter Jeremy Clarkson who has often made the statement that "Porsche Designers are the Laziest People on the Planet".   

Lets examine that briefly, and the new car while we're at it. Let's start with the car.

The new 911 "Targa" is a variant of the new "991" chassis which, by all accounts, is a brilliant ride. As with each 911 variant before it, the 991 chassis is "the best" that Porsche's engineers could eek out of the firm's, now 50-year old, rear-engine/rear-drive layout.  Following the base "Carrerra", "Carrera 4", "Turbo" and "S" variants (in both hard-top and cabriolet versions) and the GT3 street-legal race card, the Targa now brings two more sub-varients into the mix giving Porsche lovers a staggering sixteen (16) variations of 911 available to them.  Couple with that a dizzying (and wallet-emptying) array of color choices, trim options, infotainment variations and one can easily spend the rest of their natural lives finding just that 'perfect' 911 for them.

Mechanically, and dynamically, the car is bound to be similar to the other Carrera 4 variants (since Targas will only be available in North America as all-wheel-drive) which is to say, brilliant for mere mortals (though curmudgeonly lovers of all that is 'old' Porsche will undoubtedly whine about the lack of feel and involvement compared to classic Porsches.  The trouble is not with the mechanical vehicle itself -- Porsche engineers are, after all, the the poster-children for Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder. Only they could have turned what has been the single worst, from a safety and drivability standpoint, automotive layout since the Stanley Motor Co. thought it would be a good idea to sit the driver atop a combustible steam locomotive, into a car that not only drives well, but drives REALLY while minimizing the traditional Porsche drawback of imminent hedge-destruction and occasional death.  No one else has been able to manage sort out a rear-engined platform with any real, long-term, success (other than Volkswagen's iconic Beetle from whose oily-bits Porsche came):  GM couldn't do it with the Corvair (though I still believe that had GM stuck with it it could have worked) and only a few others have even tried. Today, only the Smart ForTwo and Tata Nano use the layout. 

From a "design" standpoint the current 991 Porsche 911 does maintain the original 911's (and 912's) profile with surprising accuracy.  Proportions have changed, growing over the years to accommodate more safety and convenience equipment, bigger engines and the increasing girth of Germanic and American frames, but they all still 'look' the same as seen in the image (below) depicting the original through to the 996/911, the last car to bear the "Targa" nameplate.  As you can see the likeness is very close, in fact, it would appear to be very intentionally so ... particularly if you now look through to the new Targa.  

Previous 911 Targas
(Photo Courtesy Porsche N.America)

So what's that make of Clarkson's claim about Porsche's designers being the "Laziest People on the Planet"?  I disagree.  I think they're some of the most industrious, if not the most blindingly bored and frustrated people on the planet.

Clarkson's looking to a symptom but not the cause of the illness:  the Porscheophile.    The individual who considers themselves a 'true' Porscheophile is the sort of person who who would have bemoaned the curing of smallpox because they were finally getting used to not having the black plague around; the sort of person who would have thought Inquisition ended too soon merely because it was a change from what they've grown accustomed to; the sort of person who simply does NOT want to see their 911 change at all.  It is these sorts of folks that Porsche has chained itself too and to whom it looks to for approval for all 911 models.   Porsche has more than once tried to free itself of the hold that its most loyal followers have upon it, with fairly disastrous results:   the 914; the 924; 944; 928; the 996's "jellybean" headlight have all fallen prey to the persistent, thundering, demand that Porsche is the 911 and the 911 is Porsche and that, at all times, the 911 (and therefore Porsche) remain sacrosanct.    The Porscheophile has become Porsche's jailor in a prison it built itself.

911 and 991
(Photo Courtesy of Porsche N.America)

With Porsche going off the proverbial reservation: two SUVs, four-doors, the Boxster THEN the Cayman, Porsche had to appease the Porscheophiles out there.   For example, when Porsche introduced the Cayanne SUV Porscheophiles were ready to head for the hills even though that vehicle saved the company.  To appease them the 996 went a minor facelift the same year and was replaced by the more traditional-looking 997 two short years later.  When the controversial Pamanera 4-door sedan came out, Porscheophiles were appeased with the 991, again, two years later.  Porsche has been touting their new baby-SUV/crossover, the Macan, so out comes the new Targa to keep Porscheophiles distracted until the new 911 can be introduced in, likely, two years time.

911 and 991
(Photo Courtesy of Porsche N.America)

So what's that mean for Porsche's designers, are they really "the laziest people on the planet"?  
No.  Actually, quite the opposite.  It must be a tremendous amount of work to keep to such a tight design profile yet make sure the vehicle is still relevant, modern, and usable -- which every 911 is.  Otherwise they're be Morgan.

Still, even with knowing that you're pulling off a minor miracle each time a new 911 comes out -- that still 'looks' like a 911 but drives like a very modern car, it must still be deeply frustrating to be a designer at Porsche.  I suspect the only way they're able to keep good designers (and engineers for that matter) from leaving for the greener-design pastures of the likes of Lamborghini, Ferrari or, recently, BMW is by including in their employment agreements that, if they agree appease the Porscheophiles with the 911, they will, from time to time, get the chance to go wild one something more interesting like, say, the 918 or the Carrera GT before it.

Porsche 918
(Photo Courtesy of CBS Interactive)

So what's that make of the new Targa itself?
If I'm being uncharitable, an outright marketing ploy.  I've never liked the original Targa Porsches. I always thought they were a hideous concept and execution on an otherwise beautiful silhouette, but I understood the engineering compromise:  keep some roof structure to make the car more ridged and lighter than the convertible and keep more dynamics.  But its not needed in the 991 - the chassis was designed as a convertible so the roof is truly redundant when it comes to handling and dynamics.  In fact, you'd be hard pressed to find a single automotive journalist (who isn't lying through his or her teeth) who can feel a difference.  So there's no actual reason for it.  The coupe looks sexier;  the convertible more fun and the Targa is just an ugly duckling to keep a certain small demographic of Porsche's fan-base from jumping ship.   With that said, the 991 Targa is a far prettier car than the original 911 Targas and the rear-backlight/glass is, bizarrely, starting to grow on me, but I still can't abide it.  I don't see the point of it or the overly complex clamshell to hide the roof-section.   

No, for my money, it's the Carrera 4s coupe or maybe just a VW Beetle?

VW BeetleR Concept
(Photo Courtesy of VW-Audi N.America)